CaricaTure
by ThreeBooksInTheFire
Summary: Have you ever heard of things called Clock Roaches? No? Good. That's very good. Basically, if you see a giant flying thing looking like it wants to eat you, run away and let me take care of it. I'm Genre Savvy enough to do it.
1. Toilet Humor

Skulduggery leaned on the counter, admiring the marble that was visible between the joints of his fingers. Dark green, very nice. It went well with the tissue-box cover thing, and _that_ went well with the towels on the rack. It was a nice room. It would do nicely.

He casually reached over and flushed the toilet, waiting a few moments for the tank to fill before walking out into the main room. Valkyrie stared at him, obviously horrified.

"What were you _doing_ in there?"

--

Toilet humor. Teehee.

Welcome one and all to Carica_Ture_, the story of a crazy fangirl in a world made of other crazy fangirls (and boys). Some might call this an autobiography, but since this may be used against me when the hamster ghosts come back to rule the Earth, I'm going to call it 'fan-fiction.'

Please God, don't kill me for this. It will get better.


	2. Chapter Two: Carica

Carica, I **need** you.

_I need you to do something for me._

It'**s not** an **easy** task. Teaching never was your strong suit.

Grab your suitcase; you're going **on** a trip.

I'm sorry. I don't know if you're coming back. I **love** you, Carica.

_Never forget that._

--

Me, talking to myself. This is probably part of why I almost labeled it Parody/Tragedy. The easter eggs are last minute.


	3. Chokehold

Tanith didn't know what was wrong with her. A moment ago, her heart had been racing, the blood pumping through her veins with an insistent purpose- to keep the blood flowing to muscles that had been growing weak. Now her knees weren't wobbling, she wasn't being swept away by passion, and the man trying to push her back onto the mattress wasn't beautiful. His lips were cold on her neck, and the hand up her shirt was suddenly invasive rather then welcome.

He had stopped, too. It wasn't just her.

Hey, wait. That man was _Billy-Ray Sanguine. _She been making out with him on her bed. That had to stop, especially since he had a grudge against her and the tenderness of a minute ago was completely out of character for him.

He knew it, too, and his hand dug into the soft skin above her kidney sharply. She pulled his hand out and kicked him in the stomach, pushing him off of her bed before he could do anything about it. Billy cursed, reaching for his razor- but it wasn't there. It was in his jacket pocket, back in the living room. Tanith's foot, however, was right there with her. She used it on his throat.

He coughed, unable to breath, and Tanith pushed past him and into her living room. Behind her, he wheezed and descended into the ground. Her sword was on the table. She ran for it, but needn't have bothered.

He melted through the floor for only long enough to grab his jacket, and then he was gone. She fixed her shirt, trembling, and sat on the couch all night. She was waiting for him to come back.

He didn't. That was good. What had happened was too confusing to figure out, and if he reappeared, everything would just get more complicated. She finally went to sleep just before dawn, her sword within reach and her mobile in her pocket.

* * *

In an alley in Dublin, a young woman stepped out of a wall. Her skin tingled with the energy from transition and the air hurt her lungs for the first few breaths. She coughed, falling onto her knees, and put a hand out in front of her.

It almost went right through the cobblestones before she focused on it, telling it to stay in this world, expletive. As she whispered obscenities, her knees rose out of the asphalt and her clothes' outlines solidified.

When she finally stood, Carica wished that she had thought to bring a map instead of needing to buy one as soon as possible.

* * *

So, here we are, and the plot thickens with our two favorite blondes! I actually have a plot-line too, instead of random drabbly ideas, isn't that wonderful?

Your hint for the next chapter is: _What do you mean, Valduggery?_


	4. Chapter Four: Set Up

**You idiot! You forgot to tell her where she was needed?**

I didn't know where she should go; there aren't exactly street addresses in our source material.

**Well, you know the general area, right? **

That's where I put her. In fact, I had to create a secluded place for her to appear so that she didn't get dragged off immediately by clock roaches.

**That's a stupid name for them. **

What do you want me to call them? Internet police? Rebel hunters?

**Still a stupid name.**

And _you_ are contrary by nature. Just be glad that I don't call you Sassy.

**These chapters are really short.**

Call it a technique- it takes A less time to write each one, so the story stays on the front page longer. The longer it stays there, the more attention we get.

**That's like breaking the fourth wall or something. Isn't there a rule against interactive stories on Fanfiction dot net? **

It's not like A's asking the mindless drove to write the story for her. We merely need attention to get as powerful as we can be. It's like clapping your hands to bring a fairy back to life, or something.

**So, short chapters so that Carica can stop the Clock Roaches. **

Ayup.

**Stupid. That's just an excuse to write short chapters.**

It's not our place to question it- and besides, the more attention we get, the more she pays attention to us.**

* * *

**It's true. If you review, I feed them more.**  
**


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